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Child sexual abuse doesn’t happen even with boys, but we never talk about it

लड़कों के साथ भी चाइल्‍ड सेक्‍सुअल अब्‍यूज कम नहीं होता, लेकिन हम उसके बारे में कभी बात नहीं करते

Male child sexual abuse, humiliation and embarrassment

Looking at the NCRB data for the year 2020, the picture which is visible from outside, it says that 99 percent of the victims of child sexual abuse last year are girls. In 2020, a total of 28,327 cases of child sexual abuse were registered under POCSO (Protection of Children Against Sexual Offenses), out of which 28,058 cases were in which the victim of sexual violence was a girl. The boys were only 269.

But what these figures are saying, is it reality? If statistics are to be believed, not only an adult man, even a small child, if he has a gender match, then he is more secure than a girl in this society. But is it really so? Is there really such a huge gender gap in the incidents of childhood sexual abuse or is there any gap in the way of reaching the police and the court in those cases. truth
What is it after all?

Rajat is a journalist by profession and editor in a major English newspaper. Active in journalism for the last 19 years, when Rajat was only 5 years old, his maternal uncle did everything to him many times, which comes under the category of sexual offense under the definition of POCSO. Taking advantage of the absence of elders in the house, touching her sex organs and trying to touch her parts was involved in all those antics. This happened many times with Rajat. Until his father was transferred and he did not move to live with the family in another city. Even after that in 4-5 years, if that uncle ever came home, Rajat’s health would have deteriorated. He was not pretending to be ill. He really got a fever. The parents considered it to be a common fever. He could never connect the two incidents of the man coming home and Rajat falling ill.

“One of the reasons why men are violent is that as a child
A special kind of violence with family and society
is doing. boys crying or being weak
to be ashamed of.

– Sudhir Kakkar

Today Rajat’s age is 43 years and till date he has never mentioned that incident to his parents or any friend. He definitely told his wife, but that too after many years. After such a long association with Rajat’s wife who works on the issue of gender sensitization in a feminist NGO, Rajat’s shame and hesitation about that childhood incident is broken.

Rajat says, “A lot of boys also have incidents of sexual abuse in childhood, but boys never talk about it. Over the years with my wife, I have come to understand that women are still able to talk about it after overcoming the initial fear and hesitation. I can tell my story, but in 43 years I have never talked to any of my friends about my maternal uncle. Nor did any other friend ever tell that there was any abuse with him in his childhood as well.

A survey by a US-based non-profit organization RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) says that gender discrimination between a male and female child is not in the same way as between an adult man and woman. Small children, whether it is a boy or a girl, both are equally vulnerable. Incidents of child sexual abuse with boys also occur on a very large scale, but they are not reported as much. The biggest reason for this is that boys never talk about it. Their inner shame and guilt is more than girls because the burden of looking powerful as a man is much more on them than girls.

“Just as society expects women to behave in a certain way, men are also expected to be always powerful, ruling and controlling. On whom the responsibility has been imposed since childhood that he is the protector, his job is to protect the girls weaker than him, how difficult will it be for him to accept that he too is weak and vulnerable. He also needs help. He also needs someone to protect him.”

– Patrizia Riccardi, Professor in the Department of Psychiatry, Mercer University, Georgia

A paper by Patrizia Riccardi, Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Mercer University, Georgia, appeared in the magazine of NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information) some time ago. Its headline was Male Rape: The Silent Victim and the Gender of the Listener.

In this paper Prof. Riccardi describes the emotional, social and personal challenges boys who are victims of childhood sexual abuse face and how these challenges affect their mental and physical health. Just as society expects women to behave in a certain way, men are also expected to be always powerful, ruling and controlling. On whom the responsibility has been imposed since childhood that he is the protector, his job is to protect the girls weaker than him, how difficult will it be for him to accept that he too is weak and vulnerable. He also needs help. He also needs someone to protect him.

Just a few days ago, Kamala Bhasin, a prominent feminist activist of our time, passed away. In a long recorded interview given to me a few years back, Kamala Bhasin said, “Men have no connection with their mind, their emotions. They are not only irresponsible and insensitive towards the feelings of women, they are equally harsh with their own feelings. Men are strong, men do not cry, men cannot be weak, these things are so ingrained in their minds from childhood that they themselves eat their own humanity. The one who does not connect with his feelings, how will he connect with the feelings of others.

“He is not only irresponsible and insensitive to the feelings of women, he is equally harsh with his own feelings.”

– Kamala Bhasin

Recalling his school days, Rajat says, “I used to study in a convent boys school in Patna. I remember, if there was a little weak, kind or vulnerable child in the class, then the rest of the boys used to make fun of him too. It is very common in boys schools that some macho type boys try to sexually abuse weak boys. If such a thing came to be known about a boy, then he used to become the object of joke among the other boys. The boys laughed at him. Teasing him by calling him ‘cheeku boy’. Nothing could be more shameful for a boy than being weak.”

Rajat says, “We were never taught to be kind to girls or anyone else, to be gentle. Being a man meant that we would always be in a tizzy. Now these situations have changed a lot because I see my son. But in my childhood, being soft towards girls and behaving softly was also considered a weakness. Such boys used to make a lot of fun in the school.

Sudhir Kakkar, a well-known psychologist of India, says, “One of the reasons for men to be violent is that as a child, the family and society are doing a special kind of violence with them. Boys are shamed for crying or being weak. On one hand their feelings are not respected, on the other hand, family and society gives them unbridled rights. Obviously, the balance
It will get worse.”

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